Caught Between a Rock and a... rock

Well, what's mortar and pestle? That was the question I was frustratingly trying to answer before class until I got the answer: 'batu lesung' as we say it in Malay. Duh. Used to crush food, herbs and other organic crushable stuff into powdery form to be used in cooking, medicine making and well... drug-making, I suppose, for those of you 'creative' enough.


But oh no, no, no, mortar and pestle that exists in the future (or Crazy Psychotic Insane Era, as I'd like to call it) does not have that function whatsoever. In fact, this is what I imagine what I want to do with mortar and pestle if I live in the future and mortar and pestle (or M&P, to make it easier and less tiring to type). Yes, I do not care for the well being of others when I have M&P, I'll just go nuts with them for my own personal satisfaction.


First, M&P can be used as weapons. The pestle will be tied to an unbreakable, strong wire that connects with a glove that you can wear on your right hand (sorry, lefties). Thus, the pestle can now be swung and controlled its speed, force and distance from the target.

The mortar can be used as a body shield. However, the mortar has to be custom-made so that it can cover the whole upper body (technically, putting a mortar in front of your upper body only covers, like, 25% of your body and will most likely not protect you from harm). It is strapped on with strong leather straps that you can wear around your body and adjust the tightness, you know, like a bag pack or something.





Or if you're seriously a bored/crazy/brave but stupid person, you can try playing 'Balance the Mortar on the Pestle' game. Forget physics law, forget rationality, forget being smart! For once, do something no one else in their right mind would. Try to balance the technically heavier mortar on the limb pestle and see how long you can go. Play this with your other idiotic friends (or jackasses, as it has been officially claimed) and see who can go the longest.
Play with this caution as the possibility of the mortar falling on your toes or head is 99.9% and you might end up with a broken foot, concussion or dead. Have fun!




And thirdly, with a grim face I put on, it has been reported that some disciplinary teachers actually used mortar and pestle as a punishment for some problematic students. The method? Ordering the students to place their hands on the upside down mortar and hitting them with the pestle. The humanity! Though there have been some justifying claims that the disciplinary teachers only did this as a threat, some 'victims' (students, mind you) complained and reported to the police that there have been some poor kids who got their hands broken. When asked, the disciplinary teachers can only comment, "No comment".

Hey, they make great torture items, don't they?